


The Jedi's Lightsaber

by Lightningecho_s_path



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types
Genre: Christmas fic, Crack Fic, Dildos, Gen, Lightsaber dildos, Poor Ben, Sex Shop, but here it is anyway I guess, fics based on real life interactions, he didn’t ask for this, innocent!ben, it only happens because of lifeday so that counts right, no one else’s asked for this either, sorta - Freeform, yet here he is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:48:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21929980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lightningecho_s_path/pseuds/Lightningecho_s_path
Summary: All Ben wanted was to finish his Lifeday shopping and go home, unfortunately we don’t always get what we want or what we need. Sometimes we just get a headache.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	The Jedi's Lightsaber

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve had the idea for this for a while, but only now have had the experience to write it.

Ben stowed his shopping bags in the back seat of his red speeder and pulled out his datapad to consult his list. He only had two names left and he glared at them mutely as he shut the door. Luke and Jaina were almost _impossible_ to shop for. Neither put much stock in physical possessions, and always gave frustratingly vague, _I’m sure I’ll love whatever you give me_ type answers when questioned about gift ideas. The sentiment was all well and good, and one he over-all agreed with, but it made shopping for them a nightmare. At least Aunt Leia gave him some ideas so he had something to work with! Ben hopped behind the wheel and took off, driving ideally through the shopping district hoping for _something_ to jump out at him, and it did.

It was a tiny shop tucked far off the main speederlanes behind an organic grocer offering cruelty free cooking lessons for the holidays and a liquor store advertising fine wine in Lifeday themes bearing the name _The Jedi’s Lightsaber_. Ben pulled into one of the few parking spots available and slipped out. The display window was lined with mannequin posing in various fairly good imitations of lightsaber forms showing off Jedi-like robes that ranged from normal, if a tad tight like had been common to see just before the last civil war, to styles he had seen on old-republic non-human Jedi and were almost entirely female.

Jedi merchandise was not hard to come by, but this store held some promise. Maybe he had _finally_ found the place to shop for Luke or at least Jaina!

The door chimed merrily as Ben opened it. His hope died. The door slid shut behind him and he began to blindly reach back to find the button to open it again. The merchandise which had been hidden by the mannequin display consisted of walls lined with adult toys. A red flush crept up Ben’s neck until his face and ears burned with it. The room was lit normally for the most part, but blue and pink lights softened the corners of the walls and displays. One wall was decorated with several slightly pornographic paintings of Jedi doing battle. Another had an advertisement of an attractive, smirking man with Sith-orange eyes, holding something Ben had no name for bearing the slogan, _ElectroStim: a most pleasurable use for The Darkside_

“Hello, is there anything I can help you find today?” a cheerful female voice piped from behind the register. Ben turned his soccer-eyed gaze to the yellow twi’lek, who was giving a huge smile. Ben opened his mouth to say ‘no’, still trying in vain to find the button to open the door, but she skipped over to him before he could. She gave him another huge smile and giggled, “is this your first time? It’s okay, don’t be shy! Is there something I can help you look for Jedi Skywalker?”

“I—um…” Ben wasn’t sure what to say so he shook his head no. The twi’lek girl didn’t look in the least disappointed, “Alright, well allow me to give you the grand tour! Over to your left we have our lingerie collection,” Ben cringed internally when he saw a sexed-up version of that Force-forsaken golden outfit his father had often been seen in as a young man.

“And to the right,” the twi’lek continued, not noticing Ben’s flicker of irritation, “we have our butt stuff,” she winked at him, “best collection this side of Coruscant, and over here, our kink gear! BDSM, harnesses, restraints, cock cages, and so on, and right down the middle we have _The Cave of Wonders_ ,” she waved a hand in an arc and spoke with a dreamy tone then resumed her normal speech, “Which sounds much better than _The Dick Cave_. This is where we keep all the vibrators and dildos! If there’s anything I can take out of the box for you, just let me know!” she flounced back to the counter.

Despite himself, Ben was a little bit curious. He strode rather reluctantly over to the shelves of what he could only assume from context were vibrators. He picked a vaguely leth shaped item and experimentally pushed a button on the base. The toy, which was advertised as  _ The Vector _ on a small sign attached to the display, buzzed to life with surprising force and Ben struggled to turn it off, succeeding only in changing the vibration intensity and pattern. The sales-being, seemed to sense his distress and wondered over.

“do you need some help?” she asked and Ben thrust the thing at her, “how do I turn it off?” the twi’lek giggled and held down a button, a different one from the one used to turn it on, and passed it back to him.

“So are you interested in anal vibrators then?” Ben blinked in surprise and looked back down at the black toy in his hand.

“Is that what this is?” she nodded with a straight face, but he could sense through The Force she was trying very hard not to laugh at him. It made his face even redder.

“Er…no, I don’t want an anal vibrator.” He set the toy back on the stand

“Are you shopping for yourself, or someone else?”

“Um…myself I suppose.” Ben felt way out of his depth, but the girl only nodded, taking his shyness in stride, “do you know what kind of stimulation you’re looking for?” Ben shook his head no.

“Alright then,” she gestured to another shelf, “our strokers and cock-rings are over here, we have many species, not just human and near-humans and they’re all very life-like! Next to them are a very wide selection of prostate massagers, which not only feels good, but is also healthy. Across from them are our dildos, we have everything from human to bothan, to azumeland just about anything in-between you could want, and, of course, our signature lightsaber dildos!” Ben nodded to overwhelmed to say anything other than, “ _ Lightsaber _ dildos?!”

“Of course! We couldn’t have a Jedi theme without lightsabers.” She picked up one and it did indeed look like one of the many lightsaber replicas sold all over the galaxy, it even lit up when she activated it and shown a bright green. However, the blade was shorter, much thicker, and curved with a mushroom-shaped head. the sales-being picked up another one, this one shone purple and was more stylized.

“Do…these sell pretty well?”

“Oh yes, quite well!” Ben took the green one from her and studied it. It was modeled after Cilghal’s lightsaber hilt, “Interesting…” he was tempted to buy one purely for the humor factor. It would make his father cringe. That might just be worth the eighty-five or so credits.

“I…um…will take one of these…” he mumbled. The twi’lek beamed, “of course would you like sixteen centimeter, eighteen, twenty-three, or the twenty-eight?” she tilted her head, “if this is your first dildo, I’d suggest one of the smaller ones.”

“Um…the eighteen I guess.” She returned the purple one to its stand and picked one of the unopened boxes, “Would you like me to hold this behind the counter for you?”

“Er…sure I guess.”

“Is there anything else you would like to look at Jedi Skywalker?” Ben quickly shook his head and headed to the front desk to pay.

“Alright, your total is 61.94,” the twi’lek chirped happily and Ben half wondered if she was being paid on commission.

“The box said seventy-seven.”

“Well, all Jedi get twenty percent off of course!” she pointed at a sign behind the counter.

“Oh…right…um, not to be rude, but how is all this well…legal?”

“How do you mean Jedi Skywalker?”

“Well, um…using names and such.” He waved his hand awkwardly.

“We pay royalties to the Jedi Order of course,” she gave him an odd look, “didn’t you know that?”

“I…um don’t see the financial reports…” Ben swiped his card and left, avoiding looking at anything but the ground as the cheerful twi’lek called after him, “have a good day! Enjoy yourself tonight!” Ben muttered a thanks and slipped out the door.

He sighed as he dropped into the front seat behind the control column of his speeder. Damn it all! He still didn’t have anything for Luke or Jaina! Maybe he  _ should _ have bought his father that gold lingerie.

  
  



End file.
